Feliz Navidad

I am often one to argue that Christmas should not be anything more than a tiny little thought in the back of our minds until after the fourth Thursday in November.

Well, I cheated.

I bought (or I will later today if the credit information ever comes through) the boyfriend his present, which I hope to surprise him with on Christmas Eve (the last day he will be here on his visit).

Gift: Akira Kurosawa's Seven Samurai, The Hidden Fortress, Yojimbo, and Sanjuro.

He once let someone borrow his collection, and it was never returned.

It ended up costing $85 more than it should have, because Barnes and Noble is fucking retarded and a bunch a thieves (literally). Whatever. It is so worth it.

O/

-K-

Fatty Fatty Two-By-Four

The following dates correspond to the start of my sophomore year in college, the end of my sophomore year in college, my 21st birthday and today.

Aug 19, 2008 - 215 lbs with 48% body fat

May 14, 2009 - 190 lbs with 44% body fat

Sep 2, 2009 - 165 lbs with 40% body fat

Nov 14, 2009 - 155 lbs with 36% body fat

During the first interval, I was barely trying to lose weight. The real process began about six months ago. It may seem like it took a long time, but that was my intention.I decided to take a gradual approach to getting where I wanted by creating habits that I could realistically sustain indefinitely.

My original long-term goal was to reach 150 lbs, and I only set an “end of the year” timeline during this past summer. It seems I will reach it, but I have not considered what I will do beyond that. The reason I picked that specific number is simply because it is around the area that is considered borderline normal/overweight (for my height at 5’5”).

Now that I am close, I have to admit, I am unsatisfied. The  numbers do not lie. I have lost 60 lbs and 12% of my body fat! However, I do not feel any different. When I look in the mirror, it seems that I look exactly the same. The only exception is that my breast have definitely gotten smaller!

At this point, I am focused on that atrocious body fat percentage.

Someday, if I dare dream, I would like to see it at 27%, which is about the center of what is considered “acceptable”. Likewise, I would like for my BMI to be around 21.7 (currently at 25.8), which is also in the middle of the range for “normal weight” and would put me in at around 130 lbs. Depending on my body fat percentage, I am willing to go + or - 5 lbs in either direction. This is, of course, all tentative.

I still need to work on these numbers (Target; Average): 

Calories - 1200 vs. 1249 

Total Fat - 30 vs. 38

Saturated Fat - 9 vs. 11

Cholesterol - 120 vs. 73

Sodium - 1500 vs. 2030

Total Carbs - 150 vs. 174
Dietary Fiber - 30 vs. 12 

Sugar - 40 vs. 61

Protein - 55 vs. 51

The total fat and carbs are new targets, which I have been meeting. It will take some time for those averages to drop. My biggest pains are still sodium and sugar! Right now I would also like to begin concentrating more on physical fitness rather than just nutritional, which should help with that body fat percentage and will keep me seeing progress as I get closer to my goal.

 -K-

Dear Blogger

I am coming to you on a most precarious evening.

Every other blog has been compromised. The need for simultaneous public catharsis and informational privacy lead, most unfortunately, to blatant dishonesty. A journal should not be insincere. It is to act merely as an extension of oneself. There need not be any "deep" thoughts that are forced or witty comments to secure social standing. All that is required is truth.

That is what I promise you from here on out.

On this particular night, I am full of anxiety and tension. I would say it concerns me to start anew with this mindset already in place, but it is, of course, the same uneasy feeling that brought me here to begin with. So perhaps these pages will at first be filled, regrettably, with angst, but I foresee lighter words in our future.

All I ask, Blogger, is that you allow me the shameful feelings, those that I have never been able to share elsewhere, with the proud. If it helps, just think of this as your quest: a mission to take me wholly as I am so that I, too, may someday afford myself that same acceptance.

-K-